BACK AT KTT!

I just got here, and already I wanna go home. :x

xoxo karen

Countdown: 3 more freaking days!

Til I go home. (:

OHMYGOD! things to do when I'm back (top of my head, I'm typing as I think)

Eat dumplings. I have NOT found a single shop in KL that makes them as yummy as back home. :P And noodles. The pork ones I can't find here. :P And oh..... Go to grandma's house and insist that she cooks for me. (:

Play with the dogs puas2. :P I've been missing them so much! I wanna bathe them and take them for runs and just cuddle Brownie in front of the TV. :D

Sleep in my own bed. Much as I love my bed here in KTT, the truth is...... I still love my own bed. ;)

Drive around just cause I GOT MY LICENSE AND I CAN. :D hee. Okay, that was childish.

Meet Samson for bak kut teh and movie marathon and just to hang out. Damn, I miss you giant. :) I'll even sit in your car! Even when you drive super fast and made me yell like a crazy person. The last time I was home. Remember? ;p

Gossip with my mum. Haven't done that in forever, I miss her.

Beg my dad to bring me for badminton. He used to refuse cause he says I can't play. :(

This time I plan on spending more time with my family. As in the last time I was back, I'm ashamed to admit this, I went out practically every day and didn't really stay home. This time I plan on like staying home most of the time and doing all the mundane everyday things I used to do. Like just lying around, chattering away to my parents. Its funny how they never ask me shut up although I sound like a 5 year old. Shows how much they love me. (:

There really isn't any feeling more....... amazing than knowing that you're about to go HOME. (: I miss the sunsets, the beautiful islands, the view of Mount K in the morning. I miss everything about Sabah, really. I miss listening to Sabahan malay, its so.. cute. ;)

xoxo rustyy

p/s physics tomorrow. Fingers crossed it goes well. ;)

Daddy, daddy! Look!

Kotobian tadau tagazo do kaamatan! :D

HEHE Minumla tapai banyak2. :P

And I even know the Sarawak version for Hari Gawai!

gayu guru gerai nyamai. :D

Thank you Eric. ;) hehe.

I was in church just now for like three hours. O_o. It was really awesome I feel like I'm back in Sabah with all the sumazau and magunatip. And the Kadazan songs. Shana, Sarah and I laughed like hell listening to Eric talk about Gawai. It was so much fun and I feel so free. It was just what I needed. (:

Ohmygod, 12th june hurry up and come already, I NEED TO GO HOME!

xoxo karen.

There are days when I just feel like being quiet, like really quiet, and lie on my bed to think.

I used to do that alot, back home. After school everyday I would take a shower and then lie on my bed, with my oversized bug-eyed sunnies on, to feel my face warmed by the setting sun shining through my wide-open window.

I don't get to do that here though. The sun doesn't set on this side where my window is, it rises. Much to my annoyance.

Anyways. I'm not emo, I just like the silence sometimes. Its calming and if I'm still enough I can feel my own heartbeat. The stress of the day melts away as I just lie there in silence. Everyone in my family seemed to know that I shouldn't be disturbed at that time, haha.

I miss that time. I truly do. Everything seemed less complicated then. All I really needed to do was go to school and didn't even really have to study because everything seemed so easy then. And I was taking 11 subjects. Ironic isn't it, I'm taking only 4 now and yet my brain cells are dying a slow and painful death everyday due to the stress.

I'm not complaining though, I'm starting to like my life here. Kinda. In a way. I'm just glad I haven't severed all contact with all my friends back home. Samson and I still text on a regular basis, and I know he reads this, don't you, giant? :) Distance is a good indicator, showing you who your true friends are. The ones who make an effort to keep in touch and ask you about the everyday, mundane things in your life, hold on tight to them because you know they'll always be there. (:

Anyways, idk why I'm typing all this. Maybe its the PMS speaking. Making me abit emo, perhaps?.. Oh yeah after being a week plus plus late, its finally here. :P (too much info? Whoops. :O)

And kinda homesick too. I think I need to hug my dogs right now.

Webcamming with my family. :D

Thanks to my mum's constant pestering and my handsome (*cough) brother's piano playing (SHOW-OFF. Actually I'm just jealous. He's getting really good and I'm really bitter, hehe. :p), I've decided to stop blogging for a little while and try to concentrate harder on my AS preparations.

*feels like a good girl*

Ohkays, am off to study now. :D

(Or maybe... play badminton? ARGH. Idk.)

xoxo rusty

Things are like........ SO much better at the moment.

Yeah and I'm praying that it lasts. (:

What is it about him that makes me so....... IDK. Emotional. And by emotional I don't necessarily mean SAD or something, I mean, I feel a WHOLE range of emotions. Anyone around me could tell you the way I'm acting right now is so cottton candy sweet and happy that they could just puke.

Oh, but I don't care.

I still feel homesick though. Its the islands. I have this sudden craving, these past few days, to go to an island (IN SABAH) and breathe in the smell of the ocean. And the view, needless for me to say how I feel about THAT. (:

In June. In June I shall get to go home. The knowledge of this is getting me through everything, every homesick little voice in my head is being silenced by the fact that ITS ONLY 2 MONTHS AWAY.

xoxo rusty

MWAH kinabalu. ;)

Kudat.

This is my idea of perfection. (:

I think I miss home. *pout*

Do you think I'll EVER see such a beautiful view here in this jungle?

Didn't think so.

This past week have been sooooooo emotionally draining, I think I just need my mum or something. :( She's like cool water soothing the pain I've been feeling. I don't even need to tell her what's going on and whats causing all the pain, I just need to crawl into bed beside her like the little kid that I am, and somehow everything feels like its going to be okay.

I'm so vulnerable at the moment. Hate it. More than anything I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. :( So unfair. I don't know, maybe I really should make up my mind once and for all. God, how sickening. I used to hate girls like how I am now. Indecisive. And whining.

Please, don't make me change my mind. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

Jesus? I know You're there. I need help. :(

xoxo rusty

PSTTTT.

AS. Is. So. Close. SOBS!

You know what SUCKS, by the way? Last paper, Chem P1 is on the 10th. And I balik Sabah, 12th. Rugi laaaaaa. :P

Haha I've been doing maths bio maths bio mathssssssss these past couple of days.

I hate admitting it and sounding like a nerd but truth is I totally love maths, its the one subject that requires me to think the least. ;p

I like doing maths questions that make my head pound, because I'm such a hopeless nerd. ;p

So tired la these few days. I couldn't sleep last night cause I kept trying to decide on something. And cause I felt a bit guilty. *sticks out tongue* Until I ended up on my balcony with my roommate and we looked at stars together. Majorly gay, but the stars last night were the most beautiful I've ever seen, in KL. Like they covered the whole sky! It was so beautiful. (:

Sometimes I feel a bit scared of what is to come.. I feel so nervous and terrified that everything will fall apart, but thats when faith steps in and I believe God is so much more amazing and powerful than I could ever imagine, and He will bring me through everything I'm afraid of dealing with. And as I was just saying to my roomie last night, I think God's plans for us are greater and even more amazing than we could ever dare to imagine.

That hand that put those stars in the sky, who knows exactly how many they are shining every night, will hold me and guide me through when I feel tired or lost.

"I have heard your prayers and seen your tears, I will heal you."

2 Kings 20:5

xoxo rusty

I wanna go homeeeeeeee :P

Oooooh going back on the 13th. Feb. Ages away.

:D Yeah yeah, get through exams first but still. STILL. :)

I just can't wait, wheeeeeeee. *dances around excitedly*

What is it about my beloved KK that makes me go so crazy?? And excited. And retarded, hahaha. Probably the fact that I haven't been back for the past 6 months. WTF MAN, THATS LIKE HALF A FREAKING YEAR! :P

Thats half a year without seeing the ocean near my house and how gorgeous it looks every sunset. (serious, I haven't been anywhere near a beach around here :P)

Half a year without taking my dogs out and playing under the rain.

Half a year without going to church in Sabah!

And half a year without sleeping in my own bed. ARGH!

I can't wait to go back and give my two dogs a hug.

I can't wait to drive my car!

I can't wait to go out and watch movies all day (admittedly I do that here in KL, but still)

I just can't wait to see everybody. (:

Okay I'm hungry, its 2.30 pm and I haven't eaten anything all day. Thats enough hyper-ness for now.

xoxo karen

Guess who I webcam-ed with yesterday??

*As I told anyone who would listen* :D

Yeah so the webcam sucks and the quality of the pic OBVIOUSLY sucks.

But I don't care! I miss my baby soooooooooo much. *kiss* :D

xoxo karen

Haven't updated in forever.

Did ya miss me? ;D

HEHE. Okay well. I wanted to blog yesterday but ahem, got distracted. :P

yeah. Its been a long week. Hmm. I got the most awesome phone call last weekend. (NO NOT FROM TAYLOR LAUTNER LOLLOLLOL) it was from my old friends. Tatianna Kimberley Chai. Morgan Nick Muffin Jelami. :D Everybody's in KK, everybody's enjoying themselves. :)

Ahem. Not that I'm bitter or anything. I do miss them though. The question they all ask, "when are you coming back?" makes me wish I was already there.

But Nick's right. Its like I never left. :)

My classmates, I miss them alot. Everyone's different now, its true, but no matter what I look back on the memories wit a smile. Totally crazy bunch of kids (yes, kids) trying to grow up and fly. (:

I wonder what we'll all be like 20 years from now.

I love my Sabahan friends. SO different from my West Malaysian friends here.

The drama and the insults, the hurtful words. Its really wearing me out. I kinda just wanna end this whole stupid fight, but when I think back it does make me so angry I can't let it go just yet.

xoxo karen

ohhh. This is my 100th blog post! :D

I've had this blog since May or June, I think. How time flies. I try to blog as often as possible, about important and unimportant stuff thats going on in my life.

Although these few days I've been so annoyed cos the Internet connection is so damn slow. =.= Patience has never been a trait of mine.

My family have officially landed safely on Sabah ground. Like, this morning. (: KotaKinabaluohhowimissyou. And how I miss my doggies. :(

Oh, and I'm going to try and post up photos D:

Its taking so long to upload them. :( I GIVE UP. :(

xoxo karen

NATASHA, READ THIS!! :)

I haven't blogged in what seems like ages.

Studystudystudy.

And like seriously being in KTT totally kills my creativity. :P

I feel so tired. Cos all I seem to be able to do is STUDY. :P And I know I should. (I WANNA DO AT LEAST DECENTLY IN MY EXAM NEXT WEEK)

Okay well. Sarah is going back to Sabah in 7 FREAKING DAYS!!! :)

She's so lucky. (: *jealous* hehe.

I miss my hometown. (: BUT OMG FOR THE FIRST TIME, 2 DAYS AGO, I SAW STARS IN KTT!!!!!!!

Oh goodness. It was Mark's birthday. I was covered in cake. And walking upstairs to clean myself up. And I happened to look up at the sky. And by some major miracle, I saw stars. Are you reading this, Nat? I SAW STARS!!! Like WHOA. I stared at them til my neck hurted. ;( hehe.

Maybe it was a sign from God telling me to stop missing home so much (: hehe.

xoxo karen

I MISS HOME. :(

Boo-hoo.

I AM SO DEPRESSED! :(

There's no food at my house, I can hardly walk in my new heels, Grandma Girl STILL refuses deodorant, and most of all,,...... I MISS HOME.

I should be more specific. My family and my pets.

I know I shouldn't complain. I got this and SO MANY OTHERS wanted it but didn't get it. Yes, God blessed me, but I still miss home so much.

The homesickness never goes away.

It lessens. Some days I get so busy, I even forget it. BUT IT NEVER GOES AWAY. At the moments when I least expect it, something tiny and probably insignificant triggers another bout of homesickness and I feel like crying.

Simple things. Felicia getting to go home every weekend to spend time with her mum. Jeannette's mum coming over to KL next month to see her. Amy's parents coming over to KL to spend Christmas with her.

AND I HAVENT SEEN MY PARENTS SINCE AUGUST.

(AND i'm spending Christmas in this jungle.)

Oh, boo-hoo.

Like today I was just talking to my grandma on the phone and I started crying for no other reason than because I miss her so much.

I used to spend a lot of time with her and talk to her about stuff.. I used to listen to her nagging and telling me how I'm useless at housework.. I used to listen to her reminiscing and smiling as she talked about her younger days... Now I miss her so much.

And I'll only get to see her next year in February.

AND I was just listening to Amy telling me that her rabbit just died a few days ago.. She's still mourning and emo and lining her eyes black everyday in memory of Momoi-(thats her rabbit, totally adorable. :)) and I'm so worried that Brownie or Walnut or Fluffy or Louie or Noname will DIE! :( I would seriously be so sad and I would be emo for months, I swear.

I don't want anything to happen to my pets OR my family while I'm in KL. While I'm away from home. Its so scary.

Boo-hoo, again.

I'm going to be emo for days and days and days.

xoxo karen

*I cant think of a title for this post* :S

Just for the record, there won't be an Emo-ness Part 2. :) haha. I'm done thinking about it. I've said what I needed to say, I've let out every emotion I've been feeling, and now I'm just going to forget about it. It. Never. Happened. I can't deal with it when someone is just so indecisive and so weird about everything. I don't understand it. And I don't want to.

Not that I'm living in denial or anything. :) haha.

Seriously, I'm not. HAHA.

I'm home. KL-home. I've unpacked. I'm going to settle down once again and I think I will actually enjoy my time here.

KK was awesome. I love my family and my pets and my best friend Kim and I'm so glad I got to go home and see them. I appreciate these people who are so close to me and care for me and the best part is, they actually show it.

:)

xoxo karen