Relationships are hard.

All over social media you see pictures of engagements and vacations and selfies of couples smiling like they haven't a care on the world but what you don't see is the arguments and the silent treatment and the occasional shouting lol.

It's just so hard. I've narrowed it down to a basic chain that goes pretty much like this - the first few months is all smooth sailing and butterflies and finding out about the other person. And then you reach the comfortable stage where you're all content but after the 6th month or so shit starts to t real.

It's like your eyes get opened to the ugly side of relationships; the jealousy and the distrust. The stupidest smallest things can be a cause for a fight and it doesn't end as easily as it used to. Initially someone would give in but the longer you get into a relationship the more you take someone else for granted and its easy to be like " why should I be the one to apologise "

I wish it could be easier, like I know I can be stubborn and I know it's probably not easy at all to be with me. But I've changed. I wish you could see that. :(

i dont like thinking about the future.

making plans and anticipating and trying to make everything happen.

i like keeping my expectations low so whatever happens wont affect me in a negative way.

but with you i dont shy away; not from confrontation, from telling you what i feel, from making spontaneous plans and not so spontaneous ones.

With you i dont mind planning and imagining what my future is going to be like.

although , really, that scares me to no end. 

In french, you don't say "I miss you"
Instead you say "tu me manques"
Which means
"you are missing from me".

Which you are. All the time. :*

hello again

Yes after three years.

For you, who inspired me to start writing again.  

I just want someone who will take care of me. Stand up for me. Protect me.

Without question.

No matter what.

FINALS ARE TOMORROW!!

and here i am, unable to tear myself away from my laptop. I'm just so tired and i keep assuring myself that i've studied since day 1 of coming to this godforsaken place, so i should be ready by now. :| My room is a horrible mess, books and clothes EVERYWHERE, i'm not even exaggerating.

PLEASE LET THIS WEEK FLY BY AND BE OKAY AND PLEASE LET ME NOT CRY IN ANY OF THE VIVAS IN THIS EXAM. :(
(yes, i cried before. once. :P)

ANYHOO, I'm going home on the 21st of july! :) oh joy. I can't wait to see my puppies again, ahhh ♥ and yes i shall miss crunchy and the capsicum, but i'll think about that when i have to. ;) oh and i'm also pleasantly surprised that the capsicum actually LIKED crunchy! :) (then again, crunchy is so super adorable, who wouldn't like her? ;)

ok time to study again so i don't regret it tomorrow :| ARGHHH!

hello june.

Taken AGES ago. I miss my friends.  

Gosh I'm having a bad case of homesickness. :(

Its ironic and a little bit sad that when I was mm 14? 15? I used to say I CANNOT WAIT to leave home and live somewhere else and be able to do whatever I want. And now with all the freedom, with the ability to finally make my own decisions and live with the consequences, ALL I REALLY WANT is to be home lying on the carpet next to my Brownie. :(

I'm tired. I miss the view of the beach and the smell of the ocean along the stretch of road on the way home.

Only 2 months (i think?) more. I HAVE TO BE STRONG. ♥

in the meantime I have to believe that everything is going to work out, because it always does, and if it doesn't, then well, it isn't the end of  the world. :)

remember this?

Twin vodkas. I still have mine. ♥ ;)

challenge, day 2

Dear sibling.

We have fun together. :) You can be seriously moody at times, yet silly and babyish at others. I still see you as my baby brother, and although we don't really talk much these days (what with me being so busy in med school and you with your own stuff, haha) I love the fat that everytime I come home we can go out for movies and shopping and sometimes randomly just go for McD when we feel bored of staying home (driving license. Power. :P)

I just want you to know that I know you're going through what seems like a lot right now (being 16 is hard, trust me, I remember) but I hope you know that I'm always gonna be here if you need me.

I miss you, baby brother. See you in 3 months or so. ♥

YES i changed my blog address.

I'm hiding. :P

current picture! No makeup, no photoshop, just me. ;) havent posted one in AGES, i know. finally my internet is behaving :P Hmm. Looking at it I feel like I kinda regret rebonding my hair. Its all smooth and shiny but looks flat. :( I know somebody is gonna laugh and say I TOLD YOU SO when he reads this :P

SO! updates. few weeks to prelims and 3 extra weeks after that to finals. But thats depressing and I won't elaborate on it. :P

Haven't exercised in ages. I don't know if I've become fatter but at the moment I'm too busy to care.. Work is piling up, I constantly have to study because I'm terrified of failing. Maybe I'll make up for it and exercise extra when I finally have the time.

So I moved into a single room a few weeks ago. It's been great, I decorated it and now I really feel at home here. Pictures on the walls, collages, that kinda thing. I spend most of my time in my room so I figured I might as well make it really homey.

I've become a loner since I got my room. I have always been a people person, really, but lately I just like being alone and stuff. I like the silence, it gives me time to think. I get bored sometimes, and I complain like crazy to my boyfriend, but lately I seem to be settling into this weird kinda.. routine. I LIKE being alone. I don't mind. if I'm bored I sleep or watch HIMYM. :P

On a different note.. I miss home. I miss my dogs and to a lesser extent, my turtles. :P I miss Malaysian food. I can cook but it isn't the same.

Few more months to tahan! >.<

xoxo karen