20 things.

I came up with this list when I was 16.

20 Things to do before I'm 20. It was like.. A way of trying to accomplish all the things I want to do before its too late (ie I get too old and boring, and lose my guts. :D)

Anyways. I figured four years would be enough for me to accomplish 20 things. And I have it stuck on my wall just to remind myself. The picture here was just me playing with my crappy laptop webcam. x)

So here are my 20 things. (:

20. Get my driving license.

19. Donate my blood.

18. Try scuba diving.

17. Learn to change my own car tyre.

16. Dye my hair.

13. Adopt an abandoned animal.

12. Volunteer at an animal shelter.

11. Own a pair of Nine West heels.

10. Get into college.

09. Have an ambition.

08. Learn to cook.

07. Try white water rafting.

06. Try bungee jumping.

05. Learn a new language.

04. Speak somewhat coherent mandarin. :D

03. Own a REAL Prada bag! (:

02. Car that I can call my own.

01. NOT smoke. x)

So far I've only done 9! D: But there's still time and I'm like planning to do most of the daring dangerous ones (esp white water rafting, OMG I CAN'T WAIIIIIIT! :D) after A2.

xoxo rusty.

OH, AND BY THE WAY.....

I've decided to let it go. And RELAX. And not think so much.

Everything's okay now. (: I'M okay now.

xoxo rusty

I'm into short little posts lately. Cuteeeeeeeee. :D They're like tweets or something except I don't use twitter. x)

For the FIRST TIME...

since Pre-AS started......

It actually felt okay. :)

Oh, I think I love Biology. ;)

xoxo rusty

PS yeah i still go by the name rusty, as shahrul so kindly reminded me just this morning. ;p

MWAH kinabalu. ;)

Kudat.

This is my idea of perfection. (:

I think I miss home. *pout*

Do you think I'll EVER see such a beautiful view here in this jungle?

Didn't think so.

This past week have been sooooooo emotionally draining, I think I just need my mum or something. :( She's like cool water soothing the pain I've been feeling. I don't even need to tell her what's going on and whats causing all the pain, I just need to crawl into bed beside her like the little kid that I am, and somehow everything feels like its going to be okay.

I'm so vulnerable at the moment. Hate it. More than anything I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. :( So unfair. I don't know, maybe I really should make up my mind once and for all. God, how sickening. I used to hate girls like how I am now. Indecisive. And whining.

Please, don't make me change my mind. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

Jesus? I know You're there. I need help. :(

xoxo rusty

*whine*

I'm tired of the games, can we just stop? :/

xoxo rusty

AND..........

I know EXACTLY what I HAVE to do.

I just don't know if I have the guts to do it.

xoxo rusty

Tiny facts. :O

I am now much much much calmer. (:

Random things in my head at the moment:

I was just wondering a couple of days ago, how long I can keep up this blog. And I'm hoping a long long time. Til I go to India probably. :D (if I get to go. Which is the one thing I'm praying EVERY SINGLE TIME when I'm in church and offering up my prayers to God.)

I trust that if He brought me to this and gave me this that so many people wanted but couldn't get, then that means He has a plan for me and He will bring me through this. (:

I suddenly kinda miss my family. I talked to my mum yesterday and kinda had a brief little moment of tension when I said I don't wanna go back to Sabah during raya, I wanna stay in KL. (Cos I'm going back in June anywaysssss whats the point of going back so often, PS I don't like airplanes. :P) but she wants me to go back.

Thinking about it again, maybe she misses me too. (:

I spent at least an hour today and FINALLY learnt to tie a sliding knot. Oh goodness. Painstakingly difficult. D: And there's still so much to do!! My fingers are starting to hurt. :'(

But it'll all be worth it! :) You'll see.

I think I'm really really starting to love my fish. :D Them being cute is one thing, but I think what I really love is to just sit here and watch them swim round in circles. Its calming! And like.. I just don't know how to describe it, I think its because I'm such an animal lover. But when I see animals and they look so innocent and adorable (LIKE MY FISHIES!) it just makes me smile. The feeling most people get when they see babies. :P (except not me cos I don't really erm.. like kids. :P)

Thats why I've adopted so many animals, my house in KK currently resembles a zoo. :D

Chemistry today was total CRAP. :(

Enough said. :P

xoxo rusty

Oh and P/S, I'm sorry too. For snapping and being way too impatient. I'll be better. Really. (:

Warning- This is an emo one ;P

It feels good to suddenly talk to him again. EHE.

Oh gosh. Abit abit abit guilty also la.. But then.. I don't really care anymore.

All this drama.. All the emotions.. Are so very draining. I couldn't even tell you how many times I wish it was abit easier. That people are more even tempered, that people take out their anger on me a little less. Sometimes I don't understand it, it makes me shut down and don't feel like arguing or responding at all cos I'm just so freaking tired of it all.

Anyways. I know I act like a kid. I know, honestly. But then.. why can't people just be honest once in a while? Don't say things like you're scared I can't handle it. TRY ME.

Respect me enough to try being brutally honest with me, and you will be pleasantly surprised to see that I'm NOT going to be so sad or I'm NOT going to kill myself out of disappointment. Probably the only person who's always (and I mean ALWAYS) honest with me is Samson. Everyone else will filter things. Oh except Felicia. She's honest too because I force things outta her. Hmmmmm. (:

I've been wanting to type this for SUCH A LONG TIME!

It hurts la.. I couldn't even tell you how it feels really.. The feeling you get when someone blows you off like you're nothing, like you don't matter enough to them to tell you what they really want from you. I'm not a mind reader and if you expect me to be, you're just going to end up disappointed.

I also hate that I'm tearing as I type this.

Because maybe sometimes when you feel strongly about something, or someone, you're willing to put up with any crap they put you through, just because. Just because.

xoxo rusty

♥

Blessed Good Friday! Its kinda magical you know but every single year for as long as I can remember, it rains on Good Friday. Its like the Earth is being cleansed and made pure and sinless again. Which I suppose in a way, it is. (:

He died for us, lets live for Him. :3

xoxo rusty

EXAMMMMMMM fever. D:

KTT exam fever! :S

Oh I can feel myself getting sick. :P

I should be doing Mechanics (i'm sitting for the paper tommorow) but I couldn't resist hijacking my roomie's laptop for a quick blog post.

Yeaps for you non-bloggers, I swear blogging is addictive. (:

Anyways. Chem practical today. Went fine apart from the fact that I went abit blur halfway through it and accidentally got sulphuric acid on myself. Ouch. Concentrated some more. *sticks out tongue* Sakit..

My fishies are alive and well! :D (except Peanut who died this morning, I flushed him in the toilet despite my roommate's constant nagging that I should give him a proper burial)

And tommorow is Good Friday! Which kinda depresses me because for the first time in years, I won't get to attend mass at 3pm.. It's kinda sad la cos like.. once a year and the most important date in the Christian calendar (apart from christmas of course ;)) and I won't get to go to church cos I got a Physic paper. sighs.

Anyways. Back to torturing my brain with Mech! :D

xoxo rusty <3