inmyhead

You can tell alot about someone by their blog. Agree? I certainly think so. Anyone who wants to know the surface of me, all they have to do is look through here and I guarantee they'll find useful information. :P The same way I blogwalk through acquaintances' blogs once in awhile. You call it stalking, I call it finding information. :)

Anyways.

I realise I never really put personal feelings on this blog. Its like, I know people see this, I can't believe it, but yes they do (as I've heard) so obviously I don't put anything truly personal in here. which is sorta ironic cause like DUH this is supposed to be a journal of sorts. :P and yet its around for the world to see.. HAH. But just for today, let me try to write as though I'm writing in a private journal. Without worrying that my post will hurt/offend/piss off someone.

What am I feeling today? Hmm.

Homesick. Oh yes homesick, it never goes away, rather it gets worse over time. I miss my hometown every day, I don't know how people migrate and all. :P I mean how can you leave Kota Kinabalu for good?? Its the most beautiful place I know! :) Sabahan and prouddd. ♥

I miss people. Tatianna Chiang, I miss you, if you're reading this. And I can't wait to see you end of this year. :) I miss you, Samson Yap, although we haven't talked in forever, I bet it won't be awkward when we do talk. (It never is.) Queenie Ong. Isaac Pang ( I wish I had more time to know you.) Many many others who I didn't really get to know cause I left IS so fast. Oh yes and my family. And most of all my dogs.

I am worried. I wonder what to do with Pinkie and the Brain when I leave KTT. And Peanut and Bubble. (Bubble got a new nickname but its obscene so I won't say it here. Sasa and I gave her the name so you can imagine. :P) I don't know what to do! Anyone from KL reading this? You want the hamsters? I give you la. :P Or if not, tell me what to freaking do with them! I can't just leave them here to die. :(

I am worried. About the A2 exams LOOOOMING. Like a horrible cicak in the dark waiting to pounce when you least expect it. O_o God, I have to stop being such a drama queen, lol.

I am worried. About how to bring back to Sabah the 13 pairs of shoes I have here in KL alone. :P

I wanna go to Manukan and lie there and let my worries disappear. :)

Actually, I feel peace. :) I haven't felt it in awhile. Its new. Yeah there have been periods of time when I was peaceful but everytime he contacts me, BOOM, the peace shatters. This time, however, he can email all he likes but I don't feel a single thing. :) So yeah, this involves the guy again (I don't know if you're reading this but I've decided, it doesn't matter even if you do, cause perhaps this really is the last post that ever acknowledges you.) and for the first time in a long time, thinking about him evokes NO feelings whatsoever. No horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. No anger or hatred even, LOL. Cause last week I just found out how it so was not worth it. (If only I knew earlier, what I know now, it would have saved me ALOT of pain. :P) but anyway. Now I know. I KNOWWWWW. :D

I've done alot of thinking last week. And I realised. People can be so selfish. Imagine you liked someone. (past tense, mind you.) And then you don't anymore. You've moved on. Isn't it selfish to still want that person to continue liking you, and NOT move on? Its like, asking for a part of that person, that you're not willing to return. Does that make sense? (yeah I have thoughts in my head that I sometimes dunno how to put into simple to understand sentences). Its not only selfish, its pathetic and a teensy-weensy bit SAD. I don't even know how exactly to say it, but I feel strongly about it. :P

AHAHA. Its not often I put such heavy thoughts into this blog. :P Its usually superficial and bimbo-ish. :P This is just my attempt at saying whats on my mind.

If you hate it, go away. Its my blog.

xoxo! :))

We were pretending to be ESKIMOS.

And the picture is blurry cause my hand shook cause I was laughing too hard.

:D

xoxo karen

Yeah so, dinner with ALU8 last night, was AWESOME. :)

And yes its abit crazy for Amy and I to cram in a car (Kancil, no less) with the 4 monkey boys in our class, but seriously it was fun. Akmal is a pretty decent driver. ;) (I only complimented him here cos I'm 100% sure he doesn't read this. HAH!

But yeah, I didn't think going out with them to buka puasa was going to be so much fun. :) We rented 3 cars to go out, 18 people crammed into 3 cars should have been annoying but in fact was amusing.

I love my classmates! I have known them about a year, only started socialising less than a year ago but we're close, and I like that. I like how we celebrate EVERYONE'S birthdays together, as a class, and how we plan spontaneous trips like these just for fun. :P

And. We're all gonna fly to India next year, rawr. :D

xoxo!

THE GERBILS.

Finally got around to uploading.

-rusty

If I could turn back time.

If I could have one wish.

I would wish I never met you.

There has to be firsts for everything, I guess. Call it karma if you will, I think I hurt too many people in my years of high school, those years of superficial flings with people I barely cared about.

I guess it was my own fault. I know, by making mistakes, we learn. And by the way, someday you shall be sorry. (:

xoxo.

can you really differentiate pinky and brain?

NOPES i have to terbalik them and check to see if its a boy or girl :P HEH

Ask me anything

do you know who is tp-monster?

HAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! its also known as the tp-girl. :DDD

Ask me anything

Am still awake. Still hugging the guitar. :D

can play more songs, yaaaay. :)

xoxo!

(resting my fingers from the guitar, hence the quickie post :P)

Am browsing online for Planetshakers guitar chords to play and sing to. :D I LOVEEEEE!

wanted to blog but this distracted me. HEH.

xoxo!

P/S IELTS WENT WELL. :)

Strawberries, apple, or oranges?

hahaha strawberries. cause they're pink. :)))

Ask me anything

Dont you have msn? Do use any sort of messengers?

i use skype, normally. its the cutest. :D

Ask me anything

God knows how I got through today.

AS RESULTS DAY!

I procrastinated all day. Went to class, feigned concentration, tried not to think. Even tried to take a nap (but I couldn't). So I finally went downstairs as slowly as possible and as I walked towards the office I saw people crying (and I don't mean tears of joy, by the way) and then..

Ok, long story short.

Yeah I know my results.

Biology- A.

Chemistry- A.

Mathematics- A.

And.

Physics- B.

HAHAHAHAHA 3 A's and a B! *relief*

Okay, so it wasn't the results I had been hoping for, yeah, but whatever! I did it! I got 19 outta 20 points and OMG I am so........... satisfied. :) And I praise God, for in my weakness, He shows His strength. :)

I am seriously satisfied with it, really, I am.

I called my dad first and I was like asking him to guess my B, and he guessed Physics. -.- yeap, my dad obviously knows his daughter well, bimbos like me JUST CANNOT DO PHYSICS to a level of "A". :P

And he was so happy with my results! I mean at first I was abit like disappointed cause I mean, ONE MORE POINT and I could have gotten straights, but the disappointment went away as I heard how happy he sounded.

And then after I hung up the phone he sent me a text, "Emphasize more on the physics but also maintain the other subject. Proud of yr achievement. Keep up the good work."

And THAT, was enough to reduce me to tears. (:

I owe this all to God, for answering my prayers. To my daddy, for his unwavering belief in me, for the pep talks and the words of encouragement when I am about to give up. To my mum of course, for her well-intended nagging that only Chinese mothers can do. :P And yeah my lecturers who helped me.

Of course I still have a long way to go (A2 coming up, OMG) but yeah for today, I am happy. :D

xoxo karen

P/S IELTS tomorrow, I WILL TRY MY HARDEST TO GET BAND 9! :P HEHE.

Results in two days!

Its a miracle I'm still functioning, seriously. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE I AM SO SCARED OH MY GOSH.

Jesus I know You're there, I know no matter what You will always be there for me.

The world wants my best, but God wants my all. (:

And Jesus, I have read a million times, the phrases "KNOCK and the door shall be open, ASK and you shall receive, SEEK and you shall find."

So here I am dear Jesus, the imperfect, selfish, sinful being that I am, humbly imploring You, in Your infinite goodness and mercy, PLEASE OH PLEASE let me get the results I want. LET ME GET 4A's I've been begging for. It may seem so impossible, and to my human mind it seems so HARD but Lord, You who conquered sin and death, NOTHING is too hard for You. No burden is too heavy for You. And because You love me, You want the best for me, and I know You hear my prayers before I fall asleep at night.

Take away my fear. Take away my insecurities, take away the thought "I can't". Silence the whispers in my head telling me I'm not good enough. Pick up the pieces of my broken heart, and give me a new one, to love and serve You and to care for little else. You alone know how much I have been hurting, You alone know how hard I find things to be sometimes. And yet as I come into Your presence, as I pray to You I can feel the pain easing, the burden lightening, and I feel whole again.

Its in 2 days and while I often say "Nothing can be done", well, You are good and You are perfect and miracles happen because of Your perfect love.

4A's Lord, PLEASE.

And yet, not my will, but Yours be done. (:

xoxo karen

Every girl's 5 best friends. ;)

Every girl needs 5 types of friends, and I'm not just talking about shoes, makeup, clothes, handbags and accessories. *wink*

I am lucky enough to have all 5 types. ;D And I'm writing this based on people I know but I shall not put down their names cause I'm shyyy. :D heh.

1. The Laugh-Til-You-wanna-pee-your-pants friend.

This is the friend whom I can talk to all the time (pretty much). The one who shares the same crazy sense of humor as I do. The one whom I can just say anything retarded or perverted and they would just laugh and come up with a super sharp comeback. This friend is the person who keeps me sane during the times I'm most depressed or worried or just plain upset. With them I learn to not take myself so seriously. With them I LAUGH like hell. This is my favorite friend of all. (:

2. The girly-girl friend.

This is the girl I would run to the shopping mall with. :D She shares the same enthusiasm I have for shoes and bags, and cute dresses, and well, pretty much anything girly. :) She's the friend who lets me try on her new shoes and the first girl I show off MY new heels to. Its a win-win situation, really. :) This is the friend whose opinion (fashion-wise) matters to me cause I trust her sense of style. She's the friend who spends 12 hours on a shopping trip with me and STILL doesn't get tired. *wink*

3. The Listener friend.

When I have a problem or just need to vent, I say nothing. yet this is the friend who will force it out, like it or not. The friend who will listen and let me cry to my heart's content. No need to say anything, no need for words of advice, just them being there to listen is enough to me. This is the friend who helps me deal with my pain, the one who is there to pick up the pieces.

4. The live-for-the-moment friend.

This is the friend who is fun, spontaneous, and exciting. The friend who is always up for adventure, anything fun, and the person I would demand accompany me on a road trip. The friend who loves islands and nature, just like me. The one who would jump from a diving board just cause I dared him to.

5. The Smart friend.

She's the super intelligent one. The one who KNOWS stuff and who isn't selfish, I could ask her anything and she would just KNOW, and share. She's fun to talk serious with, be it religion or environmental issues, or anything in between. She's just... SMART. And the most special part? She doesn't make me feel stupid, despite her braininess. :D She doesn't treat me like bimbo although I sometimes may be. And I love that about her.

Checklist! Do you have friends like these? ;)

xoxo karen

Where in KL are you studying for your Alevels?

All the way in the deserted jungle. D: SEPANG

Ask me anything

Its been awhile.

This post is just cause I finally have a spare moment to switch on my laptop. I just did 12 differentiation A2 level questions. It was painful. :( And I have 5 more to go.

Anyways.

I finally watched Salt! And Tekken! Was so excited when I knew the movie was coming out. I looove the game. :D AND. Jin. Is. HAWT. :D

I mean LOOK AT HIM. *sighs in contentment*

unfortunately yeah, I got too impatient and can't really be bothered looking for a huger picture, but yeah this'll have to do. :)

Anyways. (thats not a real word but i love it so yeah)

I have a HUGE week coming up. Like seriously.

Okay lets see. Monday to Wednesday are gonna be the routine wake-up-at-7-stagger-sleepily-to-class days. And then, Thursday is, OMG, results day.

MY AS RESULTS. WILL. BE. HERE.

I am terrified.

And then Friday and Saturday I have IELTS. Which I hope to score band 9 in (uisehmaaaan. :D) But really, IELTS is the least of my worried right now. I'm just really terrified of finding out my results. Can't they get lost in the mail somewhere? Please? :(

Meanwhile, Pinkie and the Brain have become ADORABLE brown furry things. :D They are totally identical and I've taken like a million pictures but because I'm blogging this in my room and my camera cable is outside, I am WAY too lazy to get up and get it and uploaaaad. :P

xoxo karen

Oh, and by the way..

My two baby hamsters, one's a boy and the other's a girl.

I named the girl Pinkie and the boy Brain.

Pinkie and the Brain, get it?? :D :D HAHA I'm so brilliant. :P

LOL.

xoxo rusty

I hate everything.

And everyone.

Bye world, I'm going to go eat my hamsters now.

And felicia will join me.

xoxo karen

And just like that, I suddenly feel empty all over again.