*I cant think of a title for this post* :S

Just for the record, there won't be an Emo-ness Part 2. :) haha. I'm done thinking about it. I've said what I needed to say, I've let out every emotion I've been feeling, and now I'm just going to forget about it. It. Never. Happened. I can't deal with it when someone is just so indecisive and so weird about everything. I don't understand it. And I don't want to.

Not that I'm living in denial or anything. :) haha.

Seriously, I'm not. HAHA.

I'm home. KL-home. I've unpacked. I'm going to settle down once again and I think I will actually enjoy my time here.

KK was awesome. I love my family and my pets and my best friend Kim and I'm so glad I got to go home and see them. I appreciate these people who are so close to me and care for me and the best part is, they actually show it.

:)

xoxo karen

Emo-ness part 1 :P

Back to KL tommorow.

For Natasha, I remember she said it was harder to leave the second time. I'm not feeling it yet, maybe I will tommorow when I'm actually boarding the plane. I'm just so grateful I don't have to deal with it alone. Jeannette and Sarah! Thank God you guys are going through the same as me. :P

I think this time around its harder to leave someone than it was the last time.

I'm so confused! I know you read my blog. And you're right, a lot of the time what I'm saying has a deeper meaning to it, mostly because I don't want people to really know what I'm feeling.

Which brings us back to the other day. Why I just couldn't bring myself to admit it, why I decided to say gray area instead of how I really feel. Because if there's anything I've learnt, its that when you really express yourself, you're leaving room for someone to hurt you. And I've been through that before, with Adam and Chia, I just don't want to be hurt yet again.

What are we? I don't understand. If what you feel for me is real, if its something deep enough that you can actually take seriously, then tell me. Don't leave me wondering and unsure of how to act and what to say when I'm around you.

And if its not. If it was just something you said out of boredom, if it was a rebound thing because you could never get her and I seemed like the easier option, then tell me. If you still like her, and if you're not over her, then tell me. Because at this point all I really want to know is the truth.

If this is something. Then we'll figure it out. And if its not, its fine too. I'm going back home to KL and I'm going to pretend like nothing ever happened. Whatever happens, its easier to deal with than how it is right now. I'm not angry or upset. I just want to know, thats all.

This is an incredibly emo post and you MIGHT just feel that I'm overreacting. Well you may be right, but I've been thinking about this for days and I just keep getting more confused.

At this point, I'm glad I'm going home.

Are you reading this?..

xoxo karen

"Cause love doesn't hurt, so I know I'm not falling in love; I'm just falling to pieces."

Kudat Kodak Moments.

Went to Kudat yesterday. Its even more gorgeous than I remembered! The awesome beaches on the way, plus Sempang Mengayau, the tip of Borneo is just simply breathtaking. :) But sadly I couldn't walk down on the rocks, cos the wind was sooooo strong. :( (and because I'm clumsy, I might just injure myself :S)

Beach number 1 i stopped at. I can't remember what it's called. D: But these walls are actually ALL corals. Extremely sharp and slippery corals. And true to nature, look what happened.

I cut myself on the corals! :( The mixture of salt water with the wound is NOT pleasant. :( It still stings, by the way. :P HAHA.

(Oh yes, I was cam-whoring again. :D The wind was like torturing my hair!! D: )

EHEH. My darling little brother and I posing. :P ISH.

Tip of Borneo. :)

2nd totally gorgeous beach I stopped at. :)

I love this picture so much that it's now my facebook profile picture, LOL! :D

xoxo karen

BLING BLING!

EHEHE!!

I blinged my phone!

Gorgeous ain't it? It's purple and white/silver bling. :)

I'll let the pics do the talking. :)

Pretty no? The best part? I went to the shop and asked how much. You know how much? A FREAKIN RM150!!! Crazy huh? I did this myself. You know how much? A FREAKIN RM13!! XD haha. Talk about bargain hunting, LMAO. :D

xoxo karen

My holiday :D

Went up to Kundasang today with my mum and dad. I miss Sabahan nature and everything so I decided to take a trip up there.. its as awesome as ever. Cold and pretty. :)

While we sometimes give Sabah a hard time for being slightly backward, and kampung, and blah, blah, blah,.. we've gotta admit the nature aspect of Sabah is pretty awesome. :)

I took lots and lots of photos and cam-whored like CRAZY! :D

haha. I think cos in KTT I couldn't really cam-whore very much. :P

I really love it up there. I mean I seem like such a shopaholic and such a city girl, but truth be told, I do love nature. ONCE IN A WHILE. :P haha. And hopefully if Felicia my roommate ever decides to come to Sabah, she'll like it there. In Kundasang, I mean. :P Here are some pictures.

Proof that shopping is universal. :D Even in kampung also can shop, lol. I managed to buy a pario buckle for a FREAKING RM6!!! (In KL, in civilization, in shopping malls, its RM35, by the way. :D) WHAT A STEAL. ;D

I look crazy don't I? XD haha. A squid on my head! :D (and two more in my hands) XD

My adorable mummy and me. :D (PS, she doesnt know I posted this :D)

The pretty craft market there. :) hahaha. So rural! :P

A bit of cam-whoring. It was through this photo that I realised that my eyes are sepet and my teeth are SO NOT AWESOME. :( (I never wore braces) Thank God I ain't doing Dentistry. :D haha. Who'd wanna be treated by a dentist with fugly teeth like mine? :P LOL! and also, I look like i'm grimacing, not smiling. :P HAHA! I only posted this picture because it shows my teeth and how crooked they look. O_o LOL!

Cam-whoring knows no bounds. I'm cam-whoring under the sun! O_o Hence, the squinting eyes and the pained smile. :D ehehe. PS, my face is fat. :((

I have a lot more pictures, but unfortunately its taking WAY TOO FREAKING LONG to upload. :( So i give up and shall do it another day. :P HAHA!

xoxo karen. :)

Is 1.20PM and I'm sleepy. Like really sleepy. :P haha. Holidays always make me lazy, lazy, lazy. :P I dunno. I swear, I shall study extra extra hard beck in KTT. :) haha.

I went shopping with Kim yesterday.. was awesome!! We talked and bitched and just pretty much walked around til we were exhausted. :P Kim is so my best friend! I know that because we've barely spoken for like one-and-a-half-months and yet yesterday we have SO much to talk about. :D haha. Its nice, seriously. I know I can like tell her anything and she just won't judge me.

I scratched my dad's- no, MY car yesterday really horribly. :( rammed the side against a pillar while parking. :P HAHA but thank God my license didn't get taken away and burnt. :D haha.

I spent almost RM200 but still haven't bought all I wanted to buy. :( (AWESOME FLATS IN NINE WEST I WANTED TO BUY. T.T)

Ah, well. Maybe during raya I'll shop more... when i'm in KL with my roommate-slash-mum Felicia. :D HAHA!

I am confused again!! But i'm not gonna say anything about that here. :S haha. Again, my favourite phrase, some things are better left unsaid. :P HAHA.

More about that some other time. :)

xoxo karen

WOO HOO!!

I'm home! Sabah is complete again. *wink* :D

I love it here. Happily laze around all day and talk to my two dogs. :P I think Brownie got skinnier. :( but but Fluffy looks healthier. :)

I don't know what I'm gonna do all week. I know I should study abit..

Sorry. No photos, (havent uploaded :P) and I don't seem to be very creative with my post.. I don't know why :P HAHA.

xoxo karen :)

Ahem, so... its past midnight, and..

I'M GOING BACK TODAY!!! IN A MATTER OF HOURS!!! :)

Okay, enough excitement.

*depressed*.

Why? Because. When a girl is depressed, there are only a few reasons why.

1. There's an awesome sale going on and she has no money.

2. There's an awesome sale going on and its a few hundred miles away. D:

3. She spots a GORGEOUS, to-die-for pair of heels, but NO SIZE. D:

4. A GUY.

And my problem?

Number 4. DUH.. 0_o

HAIHHHHHHHH.

I often wish my dreams would come true. But then when they FINALLY do come true, there's ALWAYS A CATCH.

But just for the record, I FEEL SO TORN. :(

But seriously speaking, some things are just better left unsaid.

(I know people actually read my grumblings. :P)

xoxo, karen

2 more days :)

OMG OMG OHMYGOSHHH.

I'm so happy. :) I don't often say that. D: haha. But really, I am.

I mean, 2 more days. And in an hour, when its 12am, I can say, 1 more day. :)

I miss my family so so so so much. And my two adorable dogs and all my turtles. And my best friend Kim. :) Muaks muaks muaks. I can't wait to hug my Brownie. :) ( AND Walnut, if he doesn't smell. :P)

Anyways...

Sarah and I managed to FINALLY drag my roommate Felicia hill-climbing today! :) HAHA. But she refused to take ANY pictures. Ahhh, party pooper. D: lol. Pictures, pictures! :)

View from on top of the hill. Ain't it gorgeous?? :) Worth the climb. :D

(But a person would seriously die if he decides to jump down. It's a LOOOOONG way down. :P)

And you see, its not all just scenery pics, I did get a few with Sarah.. And hopefully someday, Felicia :P HAHA. Look Look. :)

Finally, a picture I DON'T look fat in. :) ehehe. P.S., Sarah doesn't like smiling in photos. :S

And And And guess what? FELICIA BOUGHT ME PRESENT!! :) ehehe. I LURVE THEM! So here's a big big big

THANK YOU FELICIA! :)

She's SO SWEET. :)

Now lookie. ( I'm SO reading this book on the plane!)

AND the phone thing looks awesome with my pretty purple phone. :D hah!

Oh! Lookie at all my nail polish! I LOVE COLOURED nails. :) I paint my nails all the time hehe :)

Oh! And my newest obsession, which I don't leave home without.

I swear, this smells and tastes EXACTLY like chocolate and peppermint. SLURP. Its AWESOME. :) :) :)

Okay, enough bimbo behaviour. :D hehe. I'm really turning into a bimbo. :D haha.

MUAKS. (with my chocolate-peppermint-lip-glossed-lips. :D)

xoxo karen

6 MORE DAYS!

I have had SUCH a BORING day! :P

Felicia went home, Sarah went shopping, and Grandma Girl, well, quite frankly I don't really care. :P HAHA.

Last night I had fun. Humiliating people is so fun! HAHA! Just kidding, ironically we were just trying to help! Willy, Ricky and I had the most fun, I think. Poor Sarah. Don't be sad! I'm sure Prettypal notices you! :)))) hehe. Gebby is so evil! (P.S. Anyone who WASN'T in the mamak stall yesterday at like 11 something pm, wouldn't understand. :D) LOL. I still giggle at the memory of it. :D

I finally caved in and went to the doctor yesterday! He told me I had a fever, a sore throat and sent me off with a whole bunch of pretty looking medicine. :) HAHA. Doesn't TASTE very pretty, but never mind. :)

This is my antibiotics.

This pretty pink one is for my fever. :D

It's not fun going to clinic! Thank God, Shana was darling enough to go with me. :) And while there, we saw a little kid PUKE ALL OVER THE FLOOR. And while I went like, "Ewww, gross.", Shana very calmly exclaimed, "Oh, look! He had bubur just now!" -_-" Oh, gosh. She's gonna be a great doctor someday, I can just tell. :P

Nadiy visited us in KTT two days ago! He actually wandered intothe jungle to see us. :P haha. Here are a couple of pictures.

It's so0o tiny! :( Not my camera, thats why. I stole it off facebook. :D

Its been such a horribly long week, and finally we're done with our MPW project thing. A stupid, random video. A Sejarah one. LOL. We did it all in one day! with my camera. And a guy we know, Mark, was awesome and sweet enough to stay up ALL NIGHT to help us do the video cos we're all computer illiterate. :D HAHA. Here are another few pics.

This is Gebby, my classmate and friend and MPW groupmate who looks cute but is EVIL. :D HAHA. She's also my CF-choir mate, she's an amazing singer and I've had so much fun singing with her. :D

Mark says we look really gangster in this picture. XD HAHAH! With that retarded crown on my head? No way. :D

OMG OMG OMG! By this time next week, I'll be in Sabah! (and hopefully, eating mooncake, or la mian, or siew long pau, or something equally as delicious that is unavailable in this jungle. XD)

I'm so looking forward to it. People who have never left home for long term, won't truly understand how much you can possibly miss the place you grew up in. I used to think Sabah was boring and dull, and I used to wish I could be someplace else. Now I REALLY appreciate it and I miss all the little things.

Don't ever dismiss or look down on the place you came from, thinking the place you came from sucks, or that the grass on the other side is greener. It always seems that way, doesn't it, them when you're actually, finally, on the other side, you realise it isn't all it's cut out to be.

xoxo karen.

Am sitting in the study area of KTT, waiting for my IELTS group-mates to hurry up and get here so we can finish our project. :S

I really need to get more sleep. :( Haven't been getting enough rest lately.. Stayed up until like 2 am this morning, then woke up at like 6.50 am. OMG. No wonder I've been feelinf like crap lately. :(

AND I was feverish this morning. :P I wonder why. :P LOL.

And during my 2 hour break i went home and SLEPT. And then there was this really freaky sensation, where I was like asleep, except my mind was awake. Do you get what I mean? I tried to move but I couldn't ! It was like there was this weight pressing down on my body and I couldn't get up. (I even tried to yell but I couldn't. The whole thing freaked me out so bad because I immediately remembered what Sarah told me, that this thing happens when a spirit presses down on your body.

I honestly don't know if that's true, but it freaked me out anyway. :(

While I was still stuck there, I started to pray. Honestly, I did! And then the next thing I know, I fell back asleep, and then when I woke up I could move again.

I looked at my phone and realised I was only asleep for like half an hour. :P

Damn freaky experience. :(

But praise the Lord. :)

LOL.

xoxo karen

a post about middle fingers and skeletons. :P

What an awesome day today. :)

HAHA.

Note the sarcasm. :P LOL.

Just kidding. It wasn't so bad really.

Poor Gavin. :P HAHA. I wonder if you're reading this. :D ahaha.

Anyway.

Amy, (aka the crazy rabbit freak :D) Shana and I sneaked into the Bio lab today and cam-whored. With the freaking disgusting skeleton. D:

Pictures? Here you go. (damn ugly though. I look FAT. D:) (maybe its all the ice-cream n gossip girl marathons lately. :) HAHA)

Kinda blur huh? Again, blame the 3.2 mp phone. :(

See the skeleton? Shana and I are BOTH holding out "its" middle fingers. :D HAHAHA.

I laughed like crazy when we did this. It felt good. Haven't laughed this much for a long time. :)

xoxo karen.

P.S. 9 days to go. Muaks! :)

Wanted: A Brownie and a Walnut

Here I am, blogging at 1.21 am. Or so it says on my laptop. :P haha. Doing laundry. Oh how I thank God for the awesome-ness of a WASHING MACHINE. :)

Had a great time gossiping earlier tonight. I didn't realise how much I actually like spending time with him. Until tonight. :) And all the stuff he told me, was extremely useful and um, disturbing in a sense.. Haha. I hope I sound mysterious and "cool". LOL!! :D

I'm not saying who the "he" is.

HAHA.

Figure it out. :P

I miss home. Going back NEXT WEEK!!! :)

Muaks muaks, Brownie and Walnut. :) My darlings. And FLUFFY! :) 3-legged gift from God. :D HAHAHA.

I want a hamster!! :) Although I can already hear my mum yelling, "NO WAY!" :P

Ah, well. A girl can dream. :P

Night. :)

xoxo karen

MY LOYAL MINIONS. :D JUST KIDDING! :P

OMG!

I had no idea people actually READ my rants. :P

I mean you guys. Gavin, Eric, Hilary. Wait.. Have I missed anyone? :P HAHA.

Thanks for reading though. :D I like it when people read my ramblings. :P HAHA. I hope it amuses you guys. :)

And thanks, Gavin, for being a follower. ;)

WHEE! :P

xoxo karen

FIRST MONTHSARY!

As of yesterday, its been officially a month since I've been in KTT. :)

It hasn't been easy, what with the frequent bouts of homesickness. But I've made it through the first month! And with no major mishaps or accidents or anything. Just the constant threat of H1N1, but anyway nobody's safe these days. :P

In fact my friend and classmate and CF-choir-mate just tested positive for influenza! Although I have no idea whether its H1N1 or not.

I'm not worried about myself cos I know for a fact that I feel fine. No fever, no fly, no cough or sore throat. But I do pity my poor mummy and daddy are probably worried sick. :S HAHA.

Cam-whoring wit our masks! (and i kasi sepet my eyes in an attempt to look more Chinese. :D)

Anyway, moving on to less emo things. :P

I am really starting to LIKE my life here! Sure, I do miss home, who doesnt?? But I have friends here, I'm having a god time and for ONCE IN MY LIFE, I CAN DO PHYSICS without wanting to kill myself. :) LOL.

Yes, life is good. :P I'm enjoying myself, and really, thats important isn't it? Why do something you hate? :P

Lets see, my top 5 favourite things about being here in KTT.

5. I can actually do physics now.

Yes! Believe it or not, I really can do it now. I used to completely DIE when it came to projectile motion questions. :S No kidding. Never understood it. Heck, never understood ANYTHING physics related. And guess what? I'm so pro at projectile motion questions now! :D Or, you know, at least, more pro than I used to be. :D LOL.

My Physics lecturer/class teacher is awesome! :) She's coherent and I can understand what she's saying. PLUS, she personally helps me with phy when i don't understand. (Mr. Chok the freak phy lecturer from back home would NEVER do anything like that. :P)

And of course, I study more here. Being around people who study all the time is definitely better for me than being around people who are always going out and stuff. It motivates me to study more, not only when there's a test the next day, but weeks in advance. :P

I am a geek! This is my FAVE phy textbook. Pic stolen from Google. :D

4. I can wear my favourite heels to class! :)

My friends in class actually look at me in awe and ask me how I manage to NOT trip and fall and kill myself. :D HAHA. To which I always respond with a smirk, EXPERIENCE. :) HAHA. Its true! I love heels and how TALL they make me feel. :) LOL.

I can never get enough pairs. :)

Shoeaholic. :)

My fave heels! On my feet! :D LOL

3. I have friends here!

I love my new friends here. Yes, they may be crazy. But they make me laugh! :) I'm talking

about Willy, Ricky, Amy... etc. Top of my head. :P HAHA. They're crazy and fun, and I'm

beginning to not miss people back home. :P HAHA.

Oh and I recently starting chatting and gossiping with my roommate Felicia. She's awesome.

:)

Random pictures.

Fellow Sabahan and friend, Ka Yee.

Jeannette! Our darling GG supplier. :)

2. Having my own apartment. And tree. :D

Sarah happily decided to name my tree Hilary. :P (I hope he never finds out!) :P HAHA.

Its not growing much! :( But anyways, I love having my own apartment here.. Im free to

dump my stuff everywhere. :D LOL! Just kidding.

Or, you know, not. :D

(lazy to post pics of my house. :D already did in one of my old posts anyway. :D)

And nothing has changed, except the amount of mess. :D LOL.

1. Growing up. :)

Yes. Being here has taught me ALOT, has changed me ALOT, and I'm different now. :)

Its a good thing. :)

xoxo karen

BIOLOGY. D:

Have a couple of hours break, so decided to blog for a while...

WAS SO DISGUSTED AT BIOLOGY PRACTICAL TODAY!!!

Here's why.

OMG!!! For those of you who can't see what this freakishly disgusting THING is, let me tell you.

IT'S A FREAKING HOUSE LIZARD!!!!! AND THREE OF THEM!!!!

(excuse the lousy camera. I used my phone camera.. only 3.2 mp)

ANYWAY.

They're put in jars. THANK GOD they're dead. They're better dead then alive, anyway. My apartment has these evil little creatures. I SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT everytime I see one.

And that's pretty often.

RIDSECT!!!

*deep breath*

Okay. God, I hate lizards. :( Why do they even exist??? D:

Moving on to prettier things.

I acknowledge that I'm being a total GEEK, but thats what I am. :D haha. This is the practical I did today. Food tests that I've done a million times back home. :P Thats why I'm back so early. :D LOL.

(the purple test tube is my fave. :))

Oh, and this is something I wanted to post yesterday, but forgot. Pictures of the church I go to here in Sepang. Chapel Of Saint Theresa. I think.. :P

the beautiful grotto they have there. :)

View from the entrance of the chapel.

Pretty right? The pic quality is lousy though. Camera phone, again. :(

The chapel. As a whole. :P

I like going to church! Its nice. Small, reminds me of Tambunan. HOME! :)

And speaking of home,....

counting down the days. :)

xoxo karen

A post about PINK, MAN "BEACH" :D. and HYPOCRITE. :) LOL!

So I'm guessing, the post title caught your attention. Excellent. :D

ANYWAYS..

I re-designed my blogskin! :)

Its so pretty now, in my opinion anyways.. :S HAHA

I had a CF choir practice just now. Totally brings back memories and makes me all nostalgic. Tat and Kim! remember all our countless CF choir practices? FUn wasnt it.. i miss it now that we don't do it anymore.. :) Tat, ur such a good keyboardist.. ;P

Over here we play such familiar songs to me and I love it.. songs like Hari Ini, Bapa Yang Kekal, My Reedemer Lives, etc etc etc.. :) haha.. I really had fun. :) Havent been singing Christian songs in awhile..

OH! just wanna put this down somewhere. I quote Jeannette, 'DUMB MAN-BITCH'. :P haha! people who arent in KTT with me wont understand. Its this guy in our college who thinks he's SO HOT and he's SO SEXY that he doesn't even LOOK at anyone or be nice to anyone. HE SUCKS! Loser. :S You aren't even hot. AND YOU HAVE A GIRL'S VOICE!! OMG.

And then there's this girl, I don't wanna put her name down in case she reads it.. :P HAHA.. let me just say this. I HATE HYPOCRITES like her. She's always acting so holy and so GOOD. OH, PLEASE. I'll say this.. HOLY and GOOD people don't lie unnecessarily and act like they own the place. They don't pretend to be nice and yet give people dirty looks behind their backs.

IT'S NOT NICE.

And I don't like you.

You may act all sweet and innocent but I know girls like you AND I see right through you. :P

UGH. She doesn't even deserve to be a subject in one of my posts. :P

Its just something I feel strongly about. I hate it when people act all innocent and better than everyone else, when in actual fact, they really aren't that much better anyway. :P HYPOCRITE. I mean like... I AM MEAN. I admit it. And I act it. I don't act all innocent and try to pretend that I'm all sugar and spice and everything nice. :P LOL.

PFFFFFT. :P

xoxo karen

ED WESTWICK!!! :)

I've created an addict!

Of Gossip Girl, that is.

Spent a HUGE part of yesterday and today watching GOSSIP GIRL with Sarah. I wanted to spread the love. :D lol. Watched every episode from Season 1 onwards, but despite watching for hours, we're not done yet. :D LOL. I LOVE ED WESTWICK!!!!! (The evilly diabolical Chuck Bass. :D)

*SIGH*

I find him even better looking than Aaron Johnson. (Angus Thongs and perfect snogging.. LOL)

:)

I'm in a very good mood right now.

I LOVE the end of season 2. (at leasr i THINK it was the end of season 2) The most romantic scene ever.. when Chuck travels around the world for Blair and FINALLY gets together with her- FINALLY. :)

*SIGH*

Did I mention, I love Ed Westwick? :D

xoxo karen