Chem paper 2, was kinda easy! I hope I can get A la. :S

Thanks for repeatedly asking, but I'm okay. (: It stings once in awhile when I feel like it was as if I never existed, but....... most of the time I'm okay.

3 more papers!

And and OMG its so awesome, I'm going home next week. Life is getting better everyday. ;) I feel... better. And I'll feel even better when I get home. :D

xoxo rusty

Daddy, daddy! Look!

Kotobian tadau tagazo do kaamatan! :D

HEHE Minumla tapai banyak2. :P

And I even know the Sarawak version for Hari Gawai!

gayu guru gerai nyamai. :D

Thank you Eric. ;) hehe.

I was in church just now for like three hours. O_o. It was really awesome I feel like I'm back in Sabah with all the sumazau and magunatip. And the Kadazan songs. Shana, Sarah and I laughed like hell listening to Eric talk about Gawai. It was so much fun and I feel so free. It was just what I needed. (:

Ohmygod, 12th june hurry up and come already, I NEED TO GO HOME!

xoxo karen.

I think I'm okay now.

I can't wait to go home and sleep in my own room and think properly in the silence.

I'm alone now, again.

But then I've never been afraid of being alone. The silence is comforting.

I think we rushed. It was a mistake to rush. And now it ended up like this. Again, I'm sorry.

Having you...... *type, backspace. type again. backspace some more.* I don't even want to put it into this blog, its way too private in my opinion. But yeah. It was like a dream.

I wonder if you still read this. Just in case you do.. I'll say.. thank you. It was hard for me but right now I think it was a lesson I needed to learn.

xoxo

I made a mess and I totally screwed up.

I'm so sorry.

Maybe someday you'll look back on this and not totally hate me.

But you should know. It kinda hurts me too.

xoxo

Well, THAT lecture was like a really really hard slap in the face.

And as resentful as I might have felt, oh I don't know. I'm just so tired. I guess maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I deserved it, in fact. I really don't know.

What I do know is, no matter what, somebody gets mad. Somebody gets pissed. I hate having to choose.

Why can't I just be allowed to be happy? Is it too much to ask sometimes?

Its so unfair.

You know what, forget it. Its my own fault.

xoxo

AS day.. oh, idk. I lost count and am too lazy to think.

Bio paper 1! And and.. it was okay. (: HAHA..

Okay, fine. I thought it was kinda easy, haha. I just didn't wanna say it. In case my results suck. Which I definitely hope not.

OHMYGOD! That means, Bio totally done! As in paper 1 2 3. All finished! And I have only four papers to go. ;)

Am flying home in exactly..................... 16 days.

YAY! :)

xoxo rusty

Still feeling that tiny, nagging, deep sense of resentment. :P IDK. I'm Catholic, I'm supposed to love the people I want to hate, but the thing is its soooooo difficult right now.

Today has JUST NOT BEEN A GOOD DAY.

The fan in my room decided to be annoying and chose TODAY OF ALL DAYS to not work. Some more I got paper tomorrow la, WTF. AND. We reported it to the admin except, OMG it takes months before they replace it. D: I can't survive for even a day without the fan. Its retarded having to WAIT SO LONG.

So then Felicia and I had to go all the way out to get a new one. Ish. x pasal2 have to spend 60 each on a new fan but I am now happily sitting in front of it, highest wind speed, and I refuse to move. :D

Sighs.

OMG I seriously NEVER thought I would be able to set up a fan. As in use screwdriver and put everything together. Daddy would be so amazed. I used to be the world's biggest spoilt brat. :P HAHA! Couldn't cook or clean the house or do anything "manly". And look at me now, I've become.......... well. Manly. =.=

Kinda happy now that I've got a new fan. :D

Rights, am off to read newspaper and see if there are any news about Messi. ;)

xoxo rusty

p/s Hey you, I miss you so much. (:

I've tried SO HARD for SO LONG to control my emotions and keep my words in check, never letting on how I really feel cause I really do wanna be nice, but.....

Damn, I hate her.

And I'm pretty sure she's reading this anyways. :P

xoxo

THINGS I WANT.

5. A plane ticket back to Sabah. RIGHT NOW. x)

4. The HUGEST, meanest and scariest looking (but one that totally adores me) German shepherd. ;D (and I wanna name him something totally feminine. hmm. Marshmallow. :P)

3. A pretty, Barbie doll pink Volkswagen beetle. Something that will make boys puke with disgust at the sheer girly-ness of it all. :P

2. For AS to be OVER. :P And then I can go for retail therapy ;p

1. A HUGE Lionel Messi poster that covers my whole wall so it can be the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see at night. :P (HAHA I'm just kidding. Or, you know, not. :P)

P/S Number one is the one I want most. :P

xoxo rusty

Oh, and I almost forgot

Day 5 of AS was Chemistry practical!

Thank God for the fact that:

1. I didn't break ANYTHING.

2. I remembered how to calculate everything.

3. DIDN'T freak out.

4. Could finish my whole paper.

5. Actually felt good about myself! :D

xoxo rusty.

P/S 5 more papers left!!!!!

Stayed up til super duper late last night, its a miracle I'm up before noon today. Shana, Amy and Nader came over and Sasa and I totally had a blast with them. They brought over a guitar and we sang songs til like.. oh, idk? 1 am? I pity the poor people living below my apartment, already 1 in the morning and still have to hear us singing our hearts out. :D haha.

Still. It was fun! And I can't help but think, damn, I'm gonna miss these people when we're all grown up and flying away to India. :P

I just realised I really miss singing in that way. Used to do it alot in high school, the guys in class would bring their guitars and play, and I, being the totally thick-skinned wannabe singer I am, would pester them to play my favourite songs so I could sing along. :D

I miss high school. Much as we normally hate to admit it, I think everyone sometimes does, it was a part of their lives for 5 whole years and probably played a big part in molding who and how they are today. (:

xoxo rusty

AS, days three and four x)

Day three marks Bio practical.

It was really sad. I mean, seriously. I didn't have time to repeat readings so I made up my own values, haha. It was so bad, in fact, I resisted the urge to burst into tears in the lab. During the paper. Oh, awesome.

I hope by some miracle I didn't do TOO badly lah.

Anyways.

Day four was today.

Mechanics and Physics paper 1, which is kinda sucky in a sense cause having to study TWO different subjects IS NO FUN. :(

But! Its not all horrible lah. I did my Mech paper, right, and I thought to myself, hey, this is pretty easy, better than past years (cause I totally stressed over past years, just ask my roommate =.=)

And then after the exam I hear people muttering to themselves, that the paper "WAS SO TOUGH!"

Which brings about the question. Did I do everything wrong, or something? O_o

Anyways. Physics. Oh, idk. I did so freaking many past years, and I was getting kinda okay at it, and the paper mmg got past years lah. But idk how I did. I hope good enough to score..... an........ A! x)

hehe. :) This is amazing coming from me. I used to score, AT BEST, 40? 30? on my physics exams back in KK.

Paper tomorrow!

I'm so jealous of people who's exams are already over. *whine* Yes you. (: haha.

Holidays come faster leh! Before I break down and lose my mind. :'(

xoxo rusty

I'm SO VAIN!

(I feel like redying my hair cos the fugly roots are showing. D:)

xoxo

Day 2 of AS. D:

Bio paper 2 was yesterday!

Aish. I studied plants plants plants til I wanna muntah already and yet NOT A SINGLE TINY LITTLE SUB-QUESTION (yet alone question) came out.

Depressing much?..

I mean I really don't think I did BADLY, exactly. I just don't know if I did WELL. Its so hard to gauge how I did. The questions are SO RANDOM MAN. And like.. I didn't really understand the HIV question. That carried 5 marks. Pfft. :P

DEPRESSING!

But that was yesterday la. Today I just woke up, I'm kinda like.. Oh, IDK. Calmer? I did my best already, I think all I can do now is let it go and surrender it up to God because thats faith- believing in a higher power, bigger than yourself, bigger than what your mind can fathom, and I believe truly, He will help me get through this. (:

Meanwhile I'm just gonna focus on my other papers!

xoxo rustyyy XD

P/S I LOVE LIONEL MESSI ♥ :)

AS- DAY 1 :(

Maths P1 today.

I've always been a math nerd, so like.. I think it went pretty well actually. (:

Couldn't do question 10 (i) couldn't get the stupid values of k but you know what, thats just me being whiny on purpose. :P HAHA I mean, its just two marks, I'm gonna let it go and focus on my Bio paper coming up day after tomorrow.

HEHE. :)

Kinda happy la. I mean like OH MY GAWD its AS its AS its AS! But seriously I hope every single paper is as nice and smooth as Maths. Then I would be fine. :D

Funny. I'm not very stressed right now. Although I should be. I think I'm calm also its because I've been praying so hard and I've been like asking God to help me out, and all.. And really, with Him helping me, I think I can do it. (:

I'M GOING TO FLY NEXT YEAR EVEN IF IT KILLS ME.

Off to study Bio. Will be disappearing from this blog til Friday!

:)

xoxo rusty

OH MY GOSH. :P

AS IS HERE.

:O

rusty :)

To my beautiful amazing mum :)

I wanted to mail this home to you but I can't. Am gonna save it and you're getting it in June. :)

Happy Mother's Day mum! (: MWAH! Sorry I can't be home to manja with you this year. *pout*

I love you anyways! :D

xoxo rusty

OMG this video is SO AWESOME. (:

Kaka.......... HOT, HOT, HOT! :D

Messi............... My dream man. Enough said. ;P

Henry and Drogba I don't really care so much la. OK OK la. :P HAHA!

OMG OMG I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH ARGENTINA PLAY! :)

But you know what sucks? On the night of Argentina's first match, 12th June, I'm going to be on a plane back to Sabah. :( HAIHHHH. I'm gonna miss the match! I won't get to drool over Messi! :(

So to comfort myself, I'm gonna watch and re-watch this video over and over and over again. :D

xoxo!

There are days when I just feel like being quiet, like really quiet, and lie on my bed to think.

I used to do that alot, back home. After school everyday I would take a shower and then lie on my bed, with my oversized bug-eyed sunnies on, to feel my face warmed by the setting sun shining through my wide-open window.

I don't get to do that here though. The sun doesn't set on this side where my window is, it rises. Much to my annoyance.

Anyways. I'm not emo, I just like the silence sometimes. Its calming and if I'm still enough I can feel my own heartbeat. The stress of the day melts away as I just lie there in silence. Everyone in my family seemed to know that I shouldn't be disturbed at that time, haha.

I miss that time. I truly do. Everything seemed less complicated then. All I really needed to do was go to school and didn't even really have to study because everything seemed so easy then. And I was taking 11 subjects. Ironic isn't it, I'm taking only 4 now and yet my brain cells are dying a slow and painful death everyday due to the stress.

I'm not complaining though, I'm starting to like my life here. Kinda. In a way. I'm just glad I haven't severed all contact with all my friends back home. Samson and I still text on a regular basis, and I know he reads this, don't you, giant? :) Distance is a good indicator, showing you who your true friends are. The ones who make an effort to keep in touch and ask you about the everyday, mundane things in your life, hold on tight to them because you know they'll always be there. (:

Anyways, idk why I'm typing all this. Maybe its the PMS speaking. Making me abit emo, perhaps?.. Oh yeah after being a week plus plus late, its finally here. :P (too much info? Whoops. :O)

And kinda homesick too. I think I need to hug my dogs right now.

Blogger's block! :P

Idk what I should talk about.

My upcoming exams are somewhat killing my brain cells. Not that I had that many to begin with, haha. :P

Because I'm so bored and sick of this and need to study I'm going to not touch my laptop for a a few days. And besides, Qiqi has my broadband anyways. :p

xoxo!

=))))

I went for novena yesterday!

And seriously, I didn't expect it, so I was like kneeling there reciting the prayers ( I used to go so often, I have them imprinted in my brain) wondering hmm, why does it sound so familiar wan leh?.. then I realised it was actually novena.

How embarrassing, I haven't been for one of those in so long, I couldn't even recognize it. And I'm Catholic some more. Bikin malu man. :p

Anyways. I was like sooooo happy that I got to go for it! Even got teary, much to my further embarrassment. I think people were staring wondering why I'm so emotional. :P But picture this, if you have something you love more than anything else, if it had always given you comfort during hard times and lifts your spirits when you feel down or depressed, and then you couldn't do that something for like 10 months, how would you feel?

YES, 10 MONTHS. The last time I went was back in Sabah, in June before I left for KTT.

The churches here in KL mostly don't have it bah. Idk why. Its only 30 minutes but I feel its soooo very important. Its something so personal in my opinion, its beautiful and I love it. Its just as nice as mass. ;P I truly believe like anything I want, I offer it up during novena and I will undoubtedly get it. It had always always been that way, and now isn't any different. (:

ARGH I really wanna go again! :(

Some more AS coming up. I need all the help I can get. :P

xoxo rusty