Just a random one

I'm blogging because I'm stuck in my room.

Because I'm scared.

I just got chased by a disgusting demented mixbreed of grasshopper and cockroach.

I SWEAR IT WAS DISGUSTING. And the worst part is its STILL lurking around somewhere. As in I didnt manage to KILL IT. :(

I'm staying in here for the rest of the night.

I wanted to blog earlier tonight but for a different reason.

I haven't heard from him in what feels like forever.

Im not saying this because I miss him, I'm just saying because it feels so foreign to me. Hello?.. From every single day texting and talking to totally no contact at all?

I can't really understand this. I feel it, I don't understand it. It doesnt even make much sense and I'm not even being very coherent right now.

Its just... We're not friends. Friends don't ignore each other. Friends don't go for weeks without speaking. Friends actually give a crap about whats going on in each others' lives.

And its funny, I once considered him such a close friend, like even a best friend. And now, he pretty much knows nothing about whats going on with me. And vice versa. Its crazy how my new friends like Felicia, whom I've only known like 2 months, feel so much closer to me than him.

I didn't want to post this. I didn't want to think about him. But lately I have been, not because I miss him but because I'm sad over the loss of our friendship. Its retarded I know, but its like so many many things remind me of him. I sometimes even mention him in my conversations. Mainly because he used to be such a part of my life. And then there are the memories, both photographic and mental. Serving as constant reminders about how it used to be. And how things have changed.

If I could I would want to just totally erase all memories of him. Its just so stupid having to remember how close we used to be and compare it to how everything is now. I remember how Kim and I once wished we could have that perfectly platonic guy friend. Well, I got my wish. Only it doesn't seem so perfect right now.

I just want to forget. Its like I'm doing the weirdest things now.. my hair, my look... even the way I act. Its like I want to change and be totally unrecognisable to him. The same way he is to me. Its like I'm somehow rebelling from everything I used to be.

Because I don't understand anything thats going on at the moment. WHY we used to be so close. WHY it suddenly stopped. And WHY its not bothering him at all.

Again, an emo post involving him. Again, a post where I sound like I'm overreacting. I just hope that by writing this it'll finally give me the closure I really need to really kick him out of my life completely.

xoxo karen