Have you ever had that feeling where you've tried sooooooo hard at something but JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT?

Oh, please. I'm not talking about a guy.

Its just I had this feeling yesterday after I sat for my retarded Physics paper.

I swear to you, I studied like so hard for it, and then the paper was total and complete bullshit! Like seriously I couldn't do a thing, and we only had an hour and thats barely enough time to THINK yet alone formulate a halfway decent answer to put on to my paper.

*sob* yesterday was NOT a good day for me.

And to top it all of, I was trying to sleep and forget the whole nightmare and my mum called! I haven't really spoken to her in awhile, but I was all groggy and depressed, you know, and it showed through very obviously in my voice, I suppose. And I muttered some half-intelligent answers (HAHA YEAH RIGHT, mostly "umm"s and "ah"s.) and then she gave up and left me alone.

And then I think she must've been worried about me cos I think it was 10 minutes later when my daddy called. Tagteam, those two. :P Anyway. He was calling because apparently my mum said I sounded depressed. Which I was. Obviously. Effing Physics paper.

And here's my dad, reassuring me that its okay, that even if I didn't do that well, there's always a next time and that I'll just have to do better next time. AND. Get this. He says he believes that I can do it. That he's not worried, he knows I can do it.

And hearing the concern and the care in his voice I just started to cry.

Really. I cried.

I don't even believe in myself but yet he does.

What you should know is, my family and I don't say nice things to each other. Like I don't remember the last time I told my mum or dad I love them. Or the last time I hugged them. Or whatever. :P

I don't want to disappoint him! Or my mum! Because I feel so bad. I feel like a total and complete failure. :P I study and yet my grades are shit.

And you might be wondering whats the point of this blog post.

This post marks a promise to myself, that I shall work harder from now on. If not for myself, then at least for my parents. For the people who want me to succeed. Because sometimes its not always about what I want, its about them too.

I PROMISE. I really will work harder. No more playing around, no more time wasting, I'm so determined this time I'm scaring myself. HAHA.

xoxo karen