For Natasha, I remember she said it was harder to leave the second time. I'm not feeling it yet, maybe I will tommorow when I'm actually boarding the plane. I'm just so grateful I don't have to deal with it alone. Jeannette and Sarah! Thank God you guys are going through the same as me. :P
I think this time around its harder to leave someone than it was the last time.
I'm so confused! I know you read my blog. And you're right, a lot of the time what I'm saying has a deeper meaning to it, mostly because I don't want people to really know what I'm feeling.
Which brings us back to the other day. Why I just couldn't bring myself to admit it, why I decided to say gray area instead of how I really feel. Because if there's anything I've learnt, its that when you really express yourself, you're leaving room for someone to hurt you. And I've been through that before, with Adam and Chia, I just don't want to be hurt yet again.
What are we? I don't understand. If what you feel for me is real, if its something deep enough that you can actually take seriously, then tell me. Don't leave me wondering and unsure of how to act and what to say when I'm around you.
And if its not. If it was just something you said out of boredom, if it was a rebound thing because you could never get her and I seemed like the easier option, then tell me. If you still like her, and if you're not over her, then tell me. Because at this point all I really want to know is the truth.
If this is something. Then we'll figure it out. And if its not, its fine too. I'm going back home to KL and I'm going to pretend like nothing ever happened. Whatever happens, its easier to deal with than how it is right now. I'm not angry or upset. I just want to know, thats all.
This is an incredibly emo post and you MIGHT just feel that I'm overreacting. Well you may be right, but I've been thinking about this for days and I just keep getting more confused.
At this point, I'm glad I'm going home.
Are you reading this?..
xoxo karen
"Cause love doesn't hurt, so I know I'm not falling in love; I'm just falling to pieces."
best is to appreciate all those moments back home. i dunno, for me its like u finally realize the amount of things u're leaving behind the second time around. haha
ReplyDeleteGod bless with whoever that guy is. hopefully things turn out right :).
Yeah, ur right.. LOL.. I'm missing pork already. :D hehe. Just kidding. Or, you know, NOT. :P HAHA.
ReplyDeleteand thanks Nat... :) i think it shall be fine. :) i mean like.. if it doesn't work out.. then it was never meant to.. and i'm okay with that.. cos I'll eventually find someone else. *wink* :)