I've been putting off doing something for a very very long time.

In my mind.. Its the ultimate form of living in denial. If you don't get rid of something, you can pretend its still there. If you don't think too much about something, then it would be as if it didn't happen.

Right?

I've been sitting here thinking all evening, trying to sum up enough courage to do what I think I should have done ages ago but didn't because I was holding on to the tiniest shred of hope, that things might just turn out the way I wish it would. But maybe I shouldn't be waiting anymore.

Maybe once and for all, I should just move on.

So this marks it exactly, my decision to seriously get rid of everything that still haunts me, all the memories in all forms, everything. The things that used to make me smile, used to make me feel so happy. Now it all just hurts. And it will continue to hurt for God knows how long more to come. But I won't wait anymore for something that I wish with all my heart but will never truly happen.

I'm guess I'm just tired and done waiting.

So if you're reading this, know that I've never done this before and never before have I lowered myself to such an extent that I type things like this for the world to read. Normally thoughts like this get safely locked inside my head. But I guess there's a first time for everything.

Call it what you will, but I guess you bring out the very best and very worst in me, all at the same time.

Bye.

xoxo